Monday, January 30, 2006

An Open Letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt

An Open Letter To Jennifer Love Hewitt:

Dear Ms. Hewitt,

I write to you today not as a pervert, weirdo, or otherwise maladjusted member of society. No, I write to you as a concerned fan who is looking out for your best interests. As someone who has watched you evolve onscreen as both an actress, and more importantly, as a woman, I feel it is my civic responsibility to provide you with my absolutely unsolicited and unqualified advice. So, Ms. Hewitt, I urge you to thoughtfully consider my sagacious words.

It is the winter of 2006, and you have reached an important threshold in your career where you are perched upon the precipice of sublime greatness. Unlike many of your peers, you have the potential to ascend into a great and rarefied company of actresses. Despite oft being saddled with poorly written scripts and one-dimensional characters, you have shown a great depth of range and complexity in your acting. Your onscreen gravitas and overall "it factor" rivals the best of your generation, regardless of the sometimes unfortunate film choices you have made. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching you in all of your movies, with the exception of Garlfield, as I have never forgiven Breckin Meyer for "Inside Schwartz."

Nevertheless, as an earnest fan who has followed your career with the zeal of John Goodman at an all-you-can-eat pudding buffet, I understand the dilemma you face now. After having played so many cutesy girl-next-door types, you long for a role with some more teeth. You want a chance to show the world what we fans already know: that you can hang with Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Dame Judi Dench and Andie MacDowell any day of the week. Unfortunately, the studios seem reluctant to offer you the demanding roles you seek as it would play against your "typical" character type. Nevermind that you've shown the ability to play sexy in Heartbreakers or macho (or the feminine equivalent) in The Tuxedo. As far as the studios are concerned, you're just a nice girl who has tremendous and immaculately conceived breasts. Which brings me to my next point.

If you truly wish to break out of the chains that are binding you to your nice girl typecast, it is time for you to do a nude scene or pose for Playboy. Your fans know you can do the meaty roles, but the studios need to see that you truly can display the more primal instincts required to inhabit a challenging and nuanced role. In short, we need to see your breasts. Only by showing your meat puppets to the world, will you finally shed your youthful skin as an actress. Putting your cans on display for all to see will show your commitment to do anything to nail a character. Sometimes that "anything" requires boobage, and the studios must see that you're willing to do this. There have been rumors that you are considering doing just such a thing, and for the sake of your career, I urge you to do so.

Please, do not get the wrong idea for my request. I come here to praise you, not whack to you. Many actresses have leveraged nudity to springboard their careers. Marilyn Monroe, Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, and Carnie Wilson immediately come to mind. This is the right thing for you to do. There is no shame in baring your body, for you have already bared your soul countless times on screen.

To show you the commitment of your fans to accelerating your career, I have set up this site as an online petition. My hope is to collect well over 10,000 signatures of like-minded individuals who similarly wish that you expose your assets for the sake of your career progression. You see, I am not alone in my desires. There are others out there, and we are all rooting for you to do the right thing.

Please consider my offer. Thank you, and I hope to hear from you one day.

With Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan


**For the other concerned fans out there, please e-mail me at if you wish to pledge support. Alternatively you can respond via the comments section. I will update the signatures weekly or as merited.**

***Note - I have just become aware of the petition at . Please know, Ms. Hewitt, that this petition here poses no such boycott. Thank you.***


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you have issues! KOOKOO!

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is as cogent and well thought out a position as anything written by Plato, or Aristotle. I am very happy that we can now add this blog to the great canons of western thought.

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

never mind boobage. As a brit I find it most distressing that you include the likes of andie "I can't act I even made love scenes with Hugh Grant look boooring and wooden (british?)" Macdowell in the same sentance as the venerable institution that is Dame Judi of Dench. Tsk Tsk. We are not amused!!

3:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are truly an idiot

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Max said...

I agree completely.

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely agree, yes, please yes.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great I think this is one of the best things I have ever read congrat, and I completely support this

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This guy is totally right.

8:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Playboy sucks!. And has for many years now. With magazines like Maxim, FHM, and others finding hotter women, and getting them to pose 10x better. Hugh Hefner used to know what he was doing.....back in the 50's. I'm affraid the viagra has gone to his brain. He wouldn't know what to do with a beauty such as JLH. There's such a thing as taste gentlemen. And everybody at Playboy are lacking it.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maxim fhm and others dont show the money makers and although i do agree playboy has been lacking lately, they'll always be one up on those magazines because they show the fun bits.

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u are a very smart man(or women) and i totally and utterly agree

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Phil said...

I agree, I actually think that jennifer is a beautiful actress and would love to see more of her :)

3:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more with this entire petition. It has been many a year that I have hoped and waited for the sight of Jennifer's humongous fun bags. I can die an extremely happy and aroused man if I see her in all her glory.

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd rather have a Scarlett Johanson

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

um i mean i'd rather have a scarlett johanson petition

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright now here is the deal with all of you who enforce this, all you are really doing is trying to make it seem that you are not perverted but you really just want to see more of her than she may want to show. It is not all your fault our world
today is so rank with vile and unacceptable revealing things it makes you want more and more. I say let her do what she wants to do, do not make a petition you can't force people to do the things you want yes it could be a suggestion she may consider but really do not make it public find a way to tell her about this without interfearance of others it might be in her best intrest to not have this here she will do what she wants with her career. I can not belive we have sunk so low as to try to get a hard working actress with great talent to show things that we would otherwise take for gantid anyway.

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love Hewitt´s boobs are real. Playboy dudes don´t like that.

5:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to see JLH pose. Playboy would do it tastefully; she wouldn't look cheap or sleazy. The list is long: Daryl Hannah, Rachel Hunter, Jaime Pressly, Carmen Electra, Charisma Carpenter, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Shannon Doherty, Denise Richards, Brooke Burke, Kristy Swanson. And that's just the past few years.

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Fyuglebourne said...

A very competently worded request to a beautiful woman.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah! I agree totally!

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree

4:06 PM  
Blogger Al B Here said...

That's just awesome. Thumbs up and kudos on an interesting idea. And I support her taking a foray into "serious acting" by taking the next step you describe.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Schadenfreude said...

I'm disappointed you couldn't weave in the term "fun bags." Otherwise, I am in total and complete agreement. Nice work.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Swampy said...

I would much rather see JLH as the next celebrity-overdose-and-death story. This bitch can't act, and she ain't even cute. Have you even SEEN "Ghost Whisperer"? You will lose all interest in her breasts once you do, my friend. Her acting is THAT BAD.

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I admire your vision and your drive to see it to fruition.

As I have a lot of time on my hands for the next 3-5...I offer my full and unwavering support to your cause.

I, too, am dying to see those marvelous mams sway in the breeze.

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Nigger Gang Sex said...

I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS!

5:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The petition text is a bottom drawer at its best. So is with many follow up comments. The proclaimed desire is a pitful attempt to hide that no sanity was involved.
How about Ms. Hewitt decides herself what she feels comfortable with? After all, it is her life and as a side effect, her talents generate some joy for the public.
All I can comprehend is some people have a disturbed sexuality and seem to think true love is affordable for the price of a magazine. Other actress might not care or just utilize "the matter of fact" to raise their income. I am happy Ms. Hewitt resisted.
Public petitions like these discredit her and now you decide she deserves such treatment.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

Wow. You've got a lot of angry comments on here. Well, I'm in support of the petition.

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

all i want is to see Ms Hewitt's beautiful body.

She has been top of my list for a long time and I want to see her before time starts to ruin what is one of the most astoundingly sexy women ever to grace the world.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, JLH def needs a nude shoot and some nice fuck scenes will follow. And forget Scarlett Johansen. She is highly overrated and quite frankly, she's not that attractive.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you do decide to pose I hope you grant use a view of you whole body and not just pull a 'Shannon Doherty'. Please consider what I'm saying on behalf of all the men out here who pay the full price to see half the girl!

3:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This petition is missing the main point: R E S P E C T
A sane mind would have resisted. Those who support this are asked to expose their own body (or their wifes body if they have one)to the public with their full name so they realise what they are asking for.
I hope she never gets to read all this comments but of course this might as well be a useless deliberate field study before she decides. There will always be humans stating pros and cons but but if Ms. Hewitt lives what she preaches, she will not do it no matter what. Just my two cents

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Will said...

I have been a devoted fan of Jennifer Love since I can remember. With the way the world turns now I'm actually more impressed with her not showing herself. Of course I have an enormous imagination. I'm the kind of guy that would rather go to a ski resort than a beach, just to leave more for the mind. Sure, scantily clad women on Brazilian beaches are insanely hot, I just want to be left to my own thoughts. In short, thank you Jennifer Love Hewitt, for leaving guys like me with complete respect for you as a woman, an actress, and the subject of our dreams.

9:42 AM  
Anonymous J said...

Keep your clothes on and maintain your good rep.

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay To do with the petition thing
leave her be!

and shes a fantastic actress!!!!!

{Swampy Your An Idiot}

6:56 PM  
Anonymous TAC_Sisco said...

LMAO @ "meet puppets" lmao i support this and good job.

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously... jlh DOES suck as an actress... even though i'll watch her movies for a good laugh every now and then. i won't deny she has a bangin body. the thing that gets me is all these dumbasses telling her to leave her clothes on. since when did nudity become a bad thing? and how the hell did you find this page if you weren't lookin for some jlh titty shots? yeah... stfu.

3:52 AM  
Blogger Addo said...

JLH is my favourite female actress, unfortunately now has become no.2 for me after Jessica Biel. It is about having that inner fire and sexy beauty. I sign to petition

3:24 AM  
Blogger Addo said...

JLH is my favourite star, it is time for her to upgrade. Unfortunately time is running, she is my no.2 after Jessica Biel. I sign the petition

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Thomas Anderson said...

I pledge that you do so!! Please before you get old and saggy and miss your chance...

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg that would put me in heaven you gotta do if the fans please please pretty please do it asap

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have thought for some time now that the unbelievable body that has been blessed upon Miss Hewitt is one of the things that must be seen by all of mankind. Those perfect natural breasts are the 8th wonder of the world.

It is stated in the Bible (Evictus Incognitus 8:25) that upon creating JLH God said, "Damn!"

And since doing this will improve both your career and humanity in general it would be unfair to reap all the rewards for just yourself and we the people. Please ask your former costar Lacey Chabert to also unleash the puppies.

What was in the water over there at the Party Of Five set??

7:10 PM  
Blogger Jeff Stevenson said...

This dude is wrong.Guy move out of your mom's basement.If Jennifer were to do such a thing as pose for Playboy I wound lose respect for her.It takes brains to keep your clothes on.

11:53 PM  

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