Thursday, February 09, 2006

Bono Willing to Trade Up to 3 Grammys to Stop African Genocide

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In a move that underscores his great commitment to humanitarian causes, the great and almighty Bono pledged to trade 3 of his 5 Grammys to African countries in exchange for an end to genocide. Initially Bono had pledged to give all 5 of U2's awards, but then reconsidered, saying, "Genocide is bad, but c'mon. It's not worth all 5 Grammys!" Bono is rumored to be lobbying for a Nobel Peace Price, or at the very least a performance at the Latin Grammys. In addition to singing for a has-been band, the Irish Deity had a busy year in 2005, co-sharing Time magazine's person of the year award with Bill and Melinda Gates, narrowly beating out Kobe Bryant, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and Scott Wolf. When informed of Bono's decision, The Edge rolled his eyes, raised his eyebrows, and made the international "whacking off" gesture. He then added, "Instead of giving away our bloody Grammy awards, why doesn't he just buy one of those sickly kids from those bloody Sally Struthers commercials? What a jerk."

Original JLH petition


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