Monday, February 06, 2006

Do It For The Junkies, Ms. Hewitt (An Open Letter From James Frey)



Dear Ms. Hewitt,

You should pose for Playboy. If not for yourself, then do it for all of the junkies in rehab or on the streets who need Playboy to get them through those long...um...hard nights. Instead of turning to drugs, perhaps these junkies will turn to your ample bosoms for support and comfort. I'm not one to exaggerate, but I think that by posing, you have an opportunity to rid the entire Planet Earth of drug abuse.

Trust me on this one, Ms. Hewitt, as I know a lot about drug use and rehab. Reports may vary, but I've spent almost 75 years in rehab, splitting my time between American centers, Turkish prisons, and intergalactic detention centers. Don't let my appearance on Oprah fool you, I really have lived a harsh life. Sure, some of the things I wrote about in my book didn't actually happen. But does anything actually happen in life? I don't think so. I believe it was Kierkegaard who once said that "subjectivity is truth" and "truth is subjectivity." Wise words from a Great Dane.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that life is not about the details...life is about the message. And the message in this case is please pose for Playboy. If you don't, millions of people will die of heroin overdoses. Do you really want that on your conscience? I wouldn't want that on mine. Oh wait, I don't have a conscience. Nevermind.

Lovingly and Horny,
James Frey

The original petition

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