Wednesday, February 08, 2006

It's Clearer Than Ever, Ms. Hewitt: You Must Pose

Dear Ms. Hewitt,

Seeing you onstage at the Grammys standing next to Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas has convinced me more than ever that you MUST pose for Playboy. If you continue down your current path of "moral purity," you may one day end up looking like Fergie, whose face resembles a cross between a trashy Long Island slut and an empty Castrol Motor Oil container. Posing for Playboy, however, will allow you to forever maintain your youthful exuberance. You see, the magic of that magazine nourishes and sustains human flesh in a way not unlike the Fountain of Youth discovered by Ponce De Leon in the 16th Century. Hefner has discovered some wonderful elixir that works in ways unknown to modern science. With his divine intervention, you can avoid the gruesome fate that has befallen the poor, poor Fergie. I weep for her, and I pray for you...but I'm sure you already knew that.

Warmest Regards,
A Concerned Fan

Original JLH petition

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Blogger Gigi said...

"A cross between a trashy Long Island slut and an empty Castrol oil container."

I do say, this is the shit dreams are made of, young man.

Keep up the good work!

12:40 PM  

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