Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Jennifer Love Hewitt Does Not Pose For Vanity Fair Cover; Protestors Burn Vanity Fair Embassies

In a shocking move of defiance, Jennifer Love Hewitt once again resisted worldwide calls for her to pose naked, instead allowing fellow thespians Scarlett "I Was In Eight-Legged Freaks and Proud Of It" Johansson and Keira "I Have Crabs" Knightly to pose sans clothing in her place. The international reaction was swift, as pimply-faced teenage boy protestors across the globe burnt down the Vanity Fair Embassies in Denmark, Canada, the UK, and Kurdistan. Fires burned bright into the evening as the oil from the pimply-faced teenage boys' faces stoked the flames. As is her practice, Ms. Love Hewitt refused to comment on the international incident, steadfastly insisting that there is no such thing as a Vanity Fair Embassy. When reached for comment, Ms. Johansson said she was "saddened" by the violence, and hoped that the people of the world would, "like, totally stop overreacting. It's not like anyone actually cares about Vanity Fair anymore." Ms. Knightly was surprised by the uproar, and then issued a statement in an unintelligible English accent before breaking her rib from a light breeze. No word yet on whether people will actually buy the issue or give a crap.



Blogger Gigi said...

You're a funny bastard. You should consider writing for secondstringmedia.com - a site that will you will help launch in the next month or two. Oh, wait...

12:43 PM  

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