Friday, February 17, 2006

Sex Tape Threatens to Derail Scott Stapp's Hard-Earned Downward Career Trajectory

Los Angeles, California (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

For the past several years, former Creed frontman Scott Stapp has worked hard to perfect a career path towards oblivion. A combination of public drunkenness, pathetic song-writing, fights with other has-been bands, and a self-righteous attitude have worked in tandem to produce a David Caruso-esque decline in popularity. According to sources close to Stapp, this was all part of a calculated effort by the singer. After all, nobody could be that bad at everything without trying to do it on purpose.

However, the recent leak of a sex tape could derail the downward spiral that Stapp has worked so hard to achieve. In the tape, Mr. Stapp and a certain other musician who shall remain nameless (Kid Rock) are having sexual relations with attractive women. As this is something Mr. Stapp has not done in a long time, the appearance of this tape could bolster his credibility among human females. In addition, simply appearing next to Kid Rock will boost his support in the essential 35 year old trailer park demographic that advertisers crave. Mr. Stapp could not be reached for comment, but sources close to him are nervous that this tape could have a beneficial effect on his career much like the Paris Hilton tape did for Ms Hilton. One anonymous family member said that he had watched the Paris Hilton video 7000 times and he's sure it's what made her famous. But he later commented that he actually wasn't too nervous about Scott. "I'm sure Scott will find a way to mess this up. He's really good at destroying a career. It takes a lot of work to be as ugly and untalented as he is, and we're proud of him for it."

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