Friday, March 03, 2006

Lohan Boob Seen By Millions; Al Gore Claims Credit

The "Boob Heard Round the World" can be found here

Washington, DC (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In a move sure to enrage Republicans, Democrats, and bow-tie fanatic Tucker Carlson, Al Gore claimed credit for enabling millions of people to view the precious and oh-so-wonderful boob of Lindsay Lohan. At an impromptu press conference called by his dolphin-wife Flipper Gore, the former Vice President said, "If I hadn't invented the Internet, none of you would have been able to witness the sheer majesty of a barely noticeable nipple on a 19 year old bulimic celebrity whore. My creation, the Internet, allowed you to find a random nipple so much quicker than the typical search through a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, previously the best source for inadvertently exposed nipples. So, give me some credit, eh?"

Lohan was unavailable for comment on Mr. Gore's proclamation, but she was said to be devastated about the pictures as they let her fans down. One source close to the quasi-attractive-in-the-proper-lighting star said that Ms. Lohan felt horrified because only one boob was visible. The same source claimed that Ms. Lohan loves her stalkerish fans and wants them to obsessively pleasure themselves over both her boobs. By only showing them one she failed them in a major way and felt awful...much like Nicole Richie after a night with Kobe Bryant. No word yet on whether Mr. Gore will run for President in 2008 on the Lohan Boob platform.


Original JLH petition

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