Tuesday, March 14, 2006

An Open Letter From John Travolta to Isaac Hayes

Dear Isaac,

Way to go, man. On behalf of all the other Thetans, including TomKat and my beloved Kelly, I applaud you. It takes guts to quit a hit show, so you must have one hell of a large intestines. Believe me, this was no easy decision, but it was the right decision. Trust me, as I know a little something about quitting a hit show. Remember, I quit Welcome Back Kotter before it ended. I gave up the opportunity to play Vinnie Barbarino!!! Think about that for a second. That's like asking the President not to fly in Airforce One anymore. Seriously, it was the role of a lifetime, but I still quit. It was tough, but you know what happened after that? I was in a little something called Pulp Fiction. And Get Shorty. And Staying Alive. And Battlefield Earth, which is known around the universe as the greatest and most accurate movie ever made. So you see, things will work out for you.

Don't listen to Matt Stone or Trey Parker or any of those other non-Scientologists. They don't know. Just like Matt Lauer doesn't know about psychiatric medicine. We know the truth, and that's all that matters. Trust in yourself, stay true to your beliefs, and rent Jerry Maguire because my wife is in it. It's a good movie.

Be well, Isaac. Stay strong. Stay proud. And above all, stay African American. I'm sure you'll find lots of other job opportunities, as you have such a range of talents. Well, maybe not, but at least you're alive. In short, just keep on being a bad mother...shut your mouth. Ha ha, I made a Shaft joke. I was in Pulp Fiction with Samuel L. Jackson, who played Shaft in the remake, so I'm allowed to make that joke. But I'm sure you knew that.

Anyway...see you in Clearwater,
John Travolta

Original JLH petition


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