Monday, March 06, 2006

"Robert Hays Shamefully Ignored By Academy Once Again," Says Robert Hays

Dear Academy of Motion Pictures Blah Blah Blah,

I know this is becoming somewhat of an annual tradition, but after watching last night's Oscars I couldn't help myself from writing in once again. Let me just say right now that last night's show was shameful. Just shameful. How can you award Robert Altman an honorary Oscar, when you know that I clearly deserved it? I was in both Airplane! movies, and Running Against Time with that blonde chick from Star Trek IV. Yes, the one with the whales. No, I'm not a big Star Trek fan, I just happen to have seen that one. It doesn't mean I'm a geek! If that's why you gave my honorary Oscar to Robert "Chlamydia" Altman, then I'd be extremely disappointed.

Anyway, in case you haven't figured it out, I would once again like to throw in my candidacy for an honorary Oscar. If Robert Altman, the guy who directed Popeye, can win an honorary Oscar, then I should be able to also. Or if not me, then definitely Gary Coleman. I mean, shirley you must be joking by not picking me. Remember, I wasn't in one Airplane! movie like William Shatner or Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I was in both. Nicole Kidman? Charlize Theron? Jon Stewart? None. See my point? And besides, were any of them in Boy Meets World? Until you act with Topanga, you do not deserve an Oscar. That's my new rule.

I'll be awaiting the call for next year's Oscars. I don't have a number, but if you want to reach me I'm usually sleeping in one of the homeless shelters in L.A.. I really need that Oscar. I also really need work. Or food. So, in reality I'd be fine with either of those too. But I really want that Oscar.

See you in Airplane! 3,
Robert Hays


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