Friday, March 24, 2006

Star Jones Recovering From Breast Lift; Doctors Still Exhausted

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Source: Here

Star Jones Reynolds, noted celebrity food connoisseur and co-host of ABC's daytime squawk-fest The View, is recovering from a breast-lift procedure performed last week at a Santa Monica hospital. Using a complex system of ropes, pulleys, and gigantic cranes, 25 doctors were able to lift the pounds and pounds of mammary fat on Ms. Jones Reynolds. While "The Starry One" is recovering well, the 25 doctors are physically and mentally exhausted from the Herculean task. Said one doctor, "I've seen gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes up close...but man...seeing this beast naked was just awful. I need a vacation." Another doctor reportedly suffered a hernia when he tried to lift a tiny section of one of the massive breasts on his own. No word yet on whether the moon's orbit has been affected by the dramatic upward shift in mass generated by the lift.

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