Thursday, April 06, 2006

Adam Morrison to Replace Meredith Vieira on The View

New York, NY (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In a bold move, NCAA basketball star Adam Morrison was named as the replacement for Meredith Vieira on ABC's morning squawk-fest The View. Vieira officially resigned from the estrongenically-inclined show early on Thursday morning, when NBC announced that she would be replacing Katie Couric on The Today Show. Vieira will have big shoes to fill on The Today Show as for years Couric was regarded as "Queen of the Ovaries" amongst the morning news show hosts. Morrison, on the other hand, will not have much to live up to as nothing on The View is considered to be of high quality.

At first glance, Morrison appears to be an odd choice to replace Vieira, as he does not have a vulva. However, ABC producers were apparently wowed by his performance at the NCAA tournament. Not only was his insanely irrational behavior typical of many premenstrual females, but also his wispy mustache drew parallels to menopausal women. Both women fall squarely within the target demographic. But it was his crying in his loss to UCLA that really separated him from the pack. Said one producer on The View, "Man...the second I saw him break down and cry with 2 seconds left in the game, thereby sealing his team's fate...I just knew he'd fit right in here." Another producer simply laughed and made a big V sign on his chest.

Morrison is reportedly delighted to join the cast, and looks forward to excoriating other men. No word yet from his co-hosts, but sources indicate that Barbara Walters is looking forward to mispronouncing his name on a daily basis.

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