Thursday, April 13, 2006

Donnie Darko Mix-Up Causes Easter Disaster



Omaha, NB (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In an apparent scheduling disaster, families in Omaha, NB expecting to see the Easter Bunny at a local mall were instead treated to the demonic visage of the Donnie Darko rabbit-man Frank. The Easter Bunny had been a staple in Omaha up until last year's "incident" with the painted eggs and the Thai prostitute. Barred from having an Easter display, mall administrators decided to celebrate the town's contribution to popular cinema with a film fest. Lacking sufficient funds, they settled on having one character from a randomly chosen Jake Gyllenhaal film show up to promote that particular movie.

Unfortunately, mall administrators forgot about the convention and had hyped up in local newspapers the Easter Bunny's annual appearance. Families looking to show their kids a good time and Thai hookers looking to get paid were shocked to find the evil-looking Frank standing by himself in the middle of the food court waving and speaking in a distorted voice. Sources indicate that both kids and hookers alike ran screaming from the scene, leaving only vapor (and some urine) trails behind them. Outraged parents attacked the helpless Frank, smearing his body in blood like a freshly painted egg.

No comment from mall administrators, but sources indicate that next year they'll pick a different, less controversial Jake Gyllenhaal movie, just to be on the safe side.


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Original JLH petition

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