Thursday, April 06, 2006

Kobe Bryant Jealous of Duke University Lacrosse Team

Dear Duke University Lacrosse Team,

I heard about what happened, and I only have one thing to say: you lucky sons of bitches! I'm so jealous! It's one thing to rape someone by yourself, but to do it with a whole gang of your can only imagine how that must feel. We athletes know how important it is to bond with your teammates. What better way than through gang rape? Gang rape. Kind of has a nice ring to it, eh? Man, I envy you guys. You got to do it at home too! I had to go to Colorado. Such a shame. And then it cost me that $4 million diamond, but don't even get me started on that. Hopefully your girlfriends will understand what an amazing and rare opportunity this was for you. My wife knew the deal. Good luck at the trial and I'll see you when we play the Bobcats!

Best Regards,
Kobe "Only a Single Person Rapist" Bryant

Ed Note: Obviously we here at JLH Central do not support rape. This was just our feeble attempt to mock those involved, who deserve mockery and shame.

Original JLH petition

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