Monday, April 10, 2006

Moses Parts Both Red Sea and Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina

New York, NY (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Chris Martin, ne'er-do-well lead singer of a U2 cover band, and Gwyneth Paltrow, star of the critically acclaimed Shallow Hal and the classic Ben Affleck film Bounce, welcomed a healthy baby boy named Moses Martin this weekend in New York. The hospital suddenly grew silent as a lightning bolt shot from heaven and parted Ms. Paltrow's Affleck-tainted vagina. Out emerged a crying baby Moses, staff in hand. Sources indicate that she then fed the baby with manna from either heaven or her bosom.

Martin and Paltrow, who already have a son named Apple Martin, have now vaulted into third place in the "Dumbest Celebrity Children Names" contest. Frank Zappa still maintains his comfortable lead with children Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore come in at a comfortable 2nd place with children Scout, Rumer, and Tallulah Belle.

No word on whether the child will be as annoying as the parents, but sources indicate that it already cries with a fake British accent and will only sleep when Shakespeare in Love is on the "telly."

Original JLH petition



Blogger Stevel Knievel said...


7:41 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Talk about a great exodus!

2:22 PM  
Blogger bobgirrl said...

I thought this was so funny that I wrote something on my blog about it and then tried to do a trackback, but I didn't seem to have much luck with Blogger's trackback. Oh well.

11:50 PM  
Blogger bobgirrl said...

Hmmmm... just tried again. Ok, I give up.

11:57 PM  
Blogger Brian B said...

So who did they beat out for the #3 spot?

4:43 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

The third spot was held by George Foreman and his 5 sons named, appropriately enough, George Edward Foreman. And don't forget his daughter named Georgette

5:07 PM  

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