Tuesday, April 11, 2006

An Open Letter From Alyssa Milano to the Executives Who Canceled Charmed

Dear Executives at CW or the WB or UPN or Whatever the Hell You Call Yourselves Now,

Well, you finally got what you wanted, didn't you. You finally canceled Charmed. For 8 glorious years we ruled the airways, in the process setting a record for the longest running TV Show with female leads. We also were the only TV show since Charlie's Angels where every female lead had appeared naked in a movie, but that's besides the point. The point is that you've crushed the single greatest ovary-inspired hour-long drama in TV history, along with my hopes and dreams, of course.

I shudder to think of what my future holds as this show was my reason for living. I have nowhere else to go!! Perhaps I'll reprise my role and star in Poison Ivy 4 or something. Maybe I'll get the gang together for a Who's the Boss reunion. Heck, I may even fall back into the arms of Scott Wolf. As you can see, my future is bleak, and you're 100% to blame.

Seriously, do you understand what you've done? You've gone and canceled the single greatest TV show since Major Dad. Why? What benefit did that serve? I bet Shannen Doherty is behind this. That bitch has had it in for me ever since...ever since...well, I don't know...but a long time. I think that she's just mad because we found a replacement who's even paler than she is. Rose can out-pale Shannen any day of the week and Shannen knows it.

Anyway, I hope you're satisfied. If I end up face down in a gutter or Scott Wolf's lap (is there a difference?), don't be surprised. It's all your fault for canceling such an amazing show. And just wait. Just wait until all the frumpy women and slightly effeminate magic-obsessed nerds start e-mailing you. You'll see. You'll put us back on in no time. Trust me.

Unhappily Yours,
Alyssa Milano

Original JLH Petition

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