Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Yet Another Baseball Player Arrested For Steroids

New York, NY (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

In an exclusive scoop here at JLH Central, well placed sources within Major League Baseball have indicated that there has been another steroid bust in the ongoing performance-enhancing controversy. Little-known relief pitcher Chest Rockwell, pictured above, was busted in a raid and found to be in possession of close to 2000 pounds of Nandrolone, Winstrol, and HGH, 1000 pounds of which were already injected into his biceps. Teammates first suspected Chest of steroid abuse when he came into spring training this year 75 pounds heavier, 66 of which were localized in his biceps. During spring training this year he displayed other tell-tale warning signs, such as uncontrollable rage, baldness, and bacne. In one rage-filled incident, Chest screamed unintelligibly at teammate Brock Landers, and then picked up a passing stray cat and ate it whole. He then threw a chair through a window and ripped a phone book in half with his teeth. No comment yet from Bud Selig, although sources indicate that he has tasted Chest's sperm and confirmed its sterility. If convicted, Chest's team records, which include most hit batsmen in an inning and most ethnic slurs delivered during an episode of Jeopardy, will be expunged from baseball's archives.

Original JLH petition

Labels: , ,


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker