Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Fantasy Baseball Owners To Sue Hideki Matsui's Wrist

New York, NY (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

On Tuesday morning, Fantasy Baseball owners across the country filed a class action lawsuit against NY Yankee Hideki Matsui's left wrist. The faulty wrist, which shattered during a game last week, has landed the Yankee star on the disabled list for 3 months, crushing the hopes and dreams of so many Fantasy Baseball owners. Matsui was a Fantasy Baseball favorite, drafted in the first or second round in most drafts on account of his consistency and dependability. Consequently, losing such a reliable star for up to 3 months will crush many owners' teams.

"What a crock of horse shit," said one Fantasy Baseball owner who asked to be identified only as PZ. "I drafted that cock in the first round and then his wrist up and snaps like that. Who does he think he is, Nomahhh Garciparra?" A spokesman for Mr. Matsui's wrist said through a translator that the wrist is very sorry and hopes to get better as soon as possible. Mr. Matsui himself was silent about the matter, but sources indicate that he scolded the wrist the night of the injury and is thinking about joining the lawsuit as he also drafted himself in his own Fantasy Baseball league.

The lawsuit is not without precedent, as past owners have sued Barry Bonds' knee, A-Rod's heart, and Curt Schilling's ego.


Original JLH Petition

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