Tuesday, May 02, 2006

An Open Letter from Mr. T. to Paris Hilton

Dear Paris,

You're a fool - that's what wrong with you. You broke yourself up with that Stavros Nachos guy. He's a fool. I pity both of you, but don't go sitting around and crying. Take my advice - eat your greens, don't do drugs, and treat your mother right. And make another sex tape. T liked that tape. Mmmmm. Good tape. Why don't you bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight and I'll show you a real man.

You see, woman, I'm the new Dr. Phil. Just watch my new TV Show, "I Pity the Fool", which is starting soon on the TV Land network, and you'll see. But there ain't no crying on my show. The `T' stands for talking. I'm going to talk it up. It's what I've been doing all my life. It's what you need now. You need some inspiration. T will give you that. T will give you a lot more than that Nachos Rancheros guy ever could. Just don't go crying on me. Don't be a bigger fool than you already are. But keep making those sex tapes. Mmmmmm...T loves them sex tapes. Cuz I love to eat balls.

Pitying You,
Mr. T


Original JLH Petition

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