Saturday, June 17, 2006

Beyonce Pledges To Get More Brazilian Waxes

Thanks to Philippa's Daily News Planet for the tip

New York, NY (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

At a recent dinner with "fans" at the famous Nobu 57 restaurant, Beyonce Knowles was surprised to learn that the fans dining with her were in fact members of PETA, as they had secretly won the recent eBay auction that had offered up a dinner with Ms. Knowles. PETA, not to be confused with the other PETA, confronted Ms. Knowles about wearing fur. After a brief questioning period, they were bootie shaken out of the restaurant and Ms. Knowles continued her dinner. Later, when questioned about her usage of fur, she had this apologetic response:

"I wholeheartedly apologize to all of my fans for my support of fur. I didn't know that PETA knew about my grooming habits downstairs, but apparently they have very strong cameras. While Jay-Z likes a little "somethin' to grab on to" when he's down there, I understand that having a nappy dugout is unethical. As a result, I've decided to get a Brazilian wax every week. This way, everyone will be happy and I can enjoy my overpriced, yet surprisingly low quality sushi in piece. Thank you."

Sources close to PETA indicate that they are happy that Ms. Knowles will adopt the "hardwood floor" grooming approach, but they really don't care as they were protesting her fur coat usage and support of fur in her clothing line, not her shaving habits. No official word from Jay-Z's camp, although sources close to the rapper/mogul indicate that he is saddened by the development and will need to buy some dental floss as he will no longer be able to floss after eating....dinner.


Original JLH petition

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Blogger parnellpr said...

Once again you nearly made me wet my pants. I tried desperately to be funny about this yesterday...probably tragically failed. About the soccer comment. Ouch......... still it's refreshing to hear other points of view.

5:20 PM  
Blogger parnellpr said...

Just seen that you got the tip from me, thanx for crediting me. Pippa. P.S Have found more gossip sites and posted about them

6:39 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Hey this was my first thought when I read this story on pippa's web site. I was not nearly as funny as you when i responded to her post. Keep up the good work.

10:42 PM  

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