Friday, June 16, 2006

Garfield 3 = Playboy. You Hear That Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Dear Ms. Hewitt,

I write to you today, once again with a heavy heart. Agent Bedhead alerted me to the fact that you've taken the moral high ground, proclaiming your right not to pose and what not. Can't you see the problems inherent in this? You see, this proclamation is a specious argument, as it only concerns your mindset at this particular point in time. You are ruling out the future, but do you really know the future? Maybe this guy does, but he channels a dark and mysterious power much like the kind Michael Rapaport uses to keep getting acting gigs. I doubt, however, that you can channel such power, so it is improper for you to claim such an absurd comment as "My naked body shouldn't have to be out there in the public." You don't know what you may want in 6 months or 5 years. The truth is, your naked body MUST be in the public. We demand it. I demand it. Michael Rapaport demands it. Stop your premature proclaiming and pose for Playboy already.

Look, Ms. Hewitt, with the filming of Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties you're already 2/3 of the way to posing. By my estimation, the day you begin filming Garfield 3 will be the day you realize that your career has hit "Jim Belushi bottom" and must be resuscitated by drastic means. Drastic, naked means that is. And really, are you that far away from Garfield 3? I don't think so. Sure, the Ghost Whisperer is a mild hit now, but when it's finally put out to pasture, and it eventually will be, what else will you have to do? Nothing. And so you will embark on the filming of Garfield 3: Nice Pussy, Nice Pussy, and thus begin your ascent into Playboy.

So I urge you, Ms. Jennifer Love Hewitt, to make the right choice and show your breasts in Playboy. Don't waste our time with phony declarations of false self-righteousness. Just pose and get it over with now. Others have initially protested (Debbie Gibson comes to mind), but they all eventually caved. It's inevitable, so you're better off doing it before you start sagging. I don't think I could stand to see that travesty.

Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan


Original JLH petition

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Blogger Cody said...


3:30 PM  
Blogger parnellpr said...

Is JJ really going to jail?

7:08 PM  
Blogger parnellpr said...

Just wondering what you thought of the whole Beyonce/PETA/Nobu thing?? I tried to be funny on it.

4:46 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Dude your pretty frickin funny. I love this site.

11:20 PM  

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