Saturday, June 03, 2006

An Open Letter From Anna Nicole Smith to Jennifer Love Hewitt

Dear Ms. Hewitt,

You should pose for Playboy. I did and look what it did for me! I have no talent. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And I always sound like I'm on drugs. Maybe that's cuz I'm on drugs all the time. I don't care. I don't have to defend myself to nobody. Least of all you. Cuz I'm famous! I have no ability and yet here I am splashed all over newspapers simply because I'm pregnant. Why? Cuz I showed my boobies to Hef. I have big boobies! Like you do. And we both have three names. Hef would love you. He loves me because I showed him my boobies. Think of how famous you'd become if you posed. I'm famous and I have no talent. You have talent which means you'd become more famous than...than...a famous person! I have a headache. I need a pill.

So you should pose now before you get all old and wrinkly like that billionaire I used to do. He liked my boobies too. I'm rich now because of him! Almost. Whatever, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to spend money and drink alcohol! Yay! It's all thanks to TrimSpa, baby. Although you don't need to lose weight. You're fine the way you are. Wow, my head hurts. I need a pill.

Pose now!!

Anna Nicole Smith


Original JLH Petition

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