Thursday, June 15, 2006

White Sox Employee Fired For Observing Unwritten Office Code

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Chicago, IL (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Larry Henderson, Chicago White Sox Payroll Manager, was fired on Thursday morning for punching Executive Assistant Tina Blathmeyer in the face in observance of the official White Sox Unwritten Code of Conduct. The Unwritten Code, written by onfield manager Ozzie Guillen, specifies that all employees must always defend "their guys" if they feel threatened by actions taken by the "opposing team." According to Mr. Henderson, Ms. Blathmeyer had forgotten to book a meeting that almost cost one of his team members a job. In his eyes, this was a direct violation of the Unwritten Code, and warranted an immediate fist to the noggin. Senior management, and the authorities, vehemently disagreed.

Although observance of the Unwritten Code was very costly for Mr. Henderson, it is not without precedent. For many years the Unwritten Code has existed in Major League Baseball, woven into the very fabric of the game. In one very recent example, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen became visibly enraged when rookie pitcher Sean Tracey failed to observe the code and hit Hank Blalock. Mr. Henderson reportedly saw the incident and was inspired. Additionally, in the winter the White Sox had attempted to codify and disseminate the Unwritten Code throughout the non-baseball part of the organization, a first in Major League Baseball. Unfortunately, however, senior executives never officially approved the code before Mr. Henderson socked Ms. Blathmeyer a good one, and Mr. Henderson was fired.

After the event, Ms. Blathmeyer had some harsh words.

"What a fucking asshole! I forget one meeting and he punches me in the face? Who does that? I mean, maybe that type of behavior is tolerated at Wal-Mart, but this is the White Sox. Seriously, who does that?"

Senior Accountant Larry Blaffenguilder had a different opinion.

"C'mon, man, you have to let us police ourselves. She forgot a meeting and she gets nailed with a right hook to the jaw. So? Big fucking deal. Like she didn't deserve it. C'mon. Kids these days are spoiled. Typical woman."

No word from Mr. Henderson regarding his actions although sources indicate that he has no remorse and is proud to be a regional manager who drives a Dodge Stratus, and the Blathmeyer punching will never take that away from him. Sources close to the White Sox indicate that the team is working on revising the Code to eliminate face punching in favor of groin kicking and/or hair pulling.


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8:15 PM  

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