Sunday, June 25, 2006

Why Wasn't I Invited to Nicole Kidman's Wedding?

Dear Nicole,

First of all, congrats on getting married, mate. You're a bloody good lookin' sheila, and I've always wished the best for you. It's nice to see that you're as happy as a croc eatin' a dingo on a summer's day in a walkabout not far from me home. Good for you.

But what gets me mad as a shonky drongo in a divvy van, is not being invited to your wedding. I know you're a big star and all, but don't forget that I made the highest grossing film in Australia's history. Or at least the highest grossing one that didn't involve kangaroo porn. Those filthy roos are always having a naughty. But I made three Croc Dundee movies without roo sex and they grossed quite a bundle. So, I'm quite surprised you didn't invite me. As far as the world is concerned, I am Australia.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - fuck you. Yep, that's about it. Oh, and don't be surprised if you're driving along in your Subaru Outback, which everyone in Australia should drive, and you see someone give you the finger. If your partner Keith Urban asks why you just got flipped off, you can tell him Paul Hogan sent him. Cheers, mate.

Paul Hogan


Original JLH petition

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Blogger Agent Bedhead said...

:Snort: The poor fellow...

2:23 AM  

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