Monday, June 26, 2006

Wilford Brimley Speaks Out About Bathroom Sex

Thanks to David F for this week's question. We swear...we actually received some e-mailed questions to Wilford. Keep em' coming to


Dear Wilford,

Is bathroom sex appropriate for the work place? If so, what can I use to clean up the mess?

David F

Dear David F,

Thanks for your God damn question. Of course bathroom sex is appropriate for the workplace. Hell, I used to do it all the time when I worked as a blacksmith. I don't do it anymore as I have The Diabetes and don't want to mess around with my God damn blood sugar levels. Also, I stopped having sex 10 years ago as I can orgasm simply by yelling at my prostate. That's just the type of man I am. But since I have more testosterone in my God damn pinky than you probably have in your entire body, you probably should have yourself some bathroom sex. Just don't pick a damn fat chick. You gotta have yourself some standards.

The key to a good romp in the workplace bathroom is the handicap stall. Use it or you're a God damn fool. Some people will try to ram it in a nice young secretary using a normal stall, but that's just not gonna cut it. You need the extra room afforded by a handicap stall. Plus, those handlebars will give you something to grab onto when your blasting your way to paradise. And if you have The Diabetes like I do, when you're done you can easily check your blood sugar level. It's so simple it makes me sick.

As for cleanup? A real man doesn't clean up. I'm a real man, are you? You leave that damn mess on the ground to let everyone know what you did. Be proud of your seed, young fellow. My seed is powerful and I'm damn proud of it. Take it from me, if you want to be a real man, you eat yourself some Quaker Oats Oatmeal and go bang a God damn secretary in the bathroom. It's the Wilford Brimley way.

Best Regards,
Wilford Brimley


Original JLH petition

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Blogger parnellpr said...

Croc Dundee wasn't invited cos he was too damn aussie...As usual your non pc humour has made me almost wet myself. Keep it up. Pippa

9:31 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Wilford Brimley is the man. All that manliness and he still has time to coach the purdue football team. God Love Wilford Brimley

11:04 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

If you're not doing a fat chick, why do you need to use the big stall?

11:14 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

C'mon Shirley if your going to do it, you got to do it right and that means your going to need some room. Your just not using your imagination enough.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Jason Pickles said...

God Damm! Tht was funny. Reminds me of when they had him in Family Guy.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Ethel said...

I'm just surfing along with BlogMad on a really crappy night, and that just made me laugh more than I have in days. Thanks. I'll be back again!

11:47 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Shirley, you make a very valid point. Although Wilford needs the big stall himself. And I don't mean his ample waist.

11:59 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Now when he finds me Brimley will slice me clean in two with that ice cold stare for "shorting him". I must go out back and offer sacrifices to him and pray for his forgiveness.

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Schadenfreude said...

Blogmad hit, and a freakin bullseye at that. Oh damn, that was funny. Wilford is a pimp's pimp.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Wilford strikes again!

I did it on my professor's desk on a saturday... Maybe that's off topic, but I thought you ought to know. Also, sometimes when I make toast and I burn one side, I serve it with the non-burnt side up so no one will know. Sneaky, eh?

10:49 AM  
Blogger David said...

If I take a pic of the actual bathroom the sex was happening, would you do a follow up post?

- David F

11:09 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Sure, but also make sure and take a picture of the Wilford Hole too.

9:37 AM  

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