Friday, July 21, 2006

Brad Garrett To Offer Date For Charity

Dear America,

I think Jessica Biel had a great idea when she whored herself out for charity. If she could raise $30,000 for some poor teenager...then I could definitely raise $100,000. Or at least 100,000 Canadian dollars. Or Australian dollars. Or Turkish Lira. Regardless, I'm a big international celebrity, and a certified Grade A hunk machine, so people will definitely be willing to buy a date with me.

Who wouldn't want to pay for a date with a freakishly tall actor/comedian with weird diction who had a supporting role on a famous, but highly annoying, sitcom? I would! I would pay top dollar for a date with me, Brad Garrett, star of Til Death, an irascible new sitcom on the great Fox Network. Maybe I'll start the bidding. Does anyone hear 10 dollars? 20? 30? C'mon, people, start bidding. I'm sure you'd bid for Raymond. Everyone bids for Raymond.

I'll be waiting. As will the charity of my choice: Tall Clubs International. It's not a normal charity, per se, but it helps people like me interact with you normal humans out there. Please bid for me. They need the money. Actually, I need the money. I spent all of my money bidding for a date with Paula Abdul, and now I'm broke. And I don't think that new show will help. I'm going to keep the money you bid for me. I'm the greatest charity I can think of.

Okay, start the! Hello? Start now!! I'm waiting! Please bid for me!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go cry gigantic tears.

Brad Garrett


Original JLH petition

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Blogger parnellpr said...


8:36 PM  

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