Monday, July 03, 2006

Wilford Brimley Speaks Out About Nuts

Thanks to bobgirrl for this week's question. Again, keep 'em coming to


Dear Wilford,

Sometimes I feel like a nut. Sometimes I don't. Can you please help???

Hugs and Kisses,

Dear bobgirrl,

Thanks for your God damn question. Your question reminds me of a commercial that I like. It's a commercial with a very familiar slogan that I'm sure you were thinking of when you asked your God damn question. It's a commercial for a little thing that I like to call...The Diabetes. If you have The Senility like some of my peers, and don't remember it, here are a couple of out-takes for you young fellows out there:

But back to your God damn question. I reckon that you're asking about that special time once a month when a woman gets that warm trickle between her God damn legs. I know there's a medical term for it, but I like to call that stuff Wilford Juice. Wilford Juice does some crazy stuff to a woman's mind, making her a bit psycho. Some call it The Menstruation. I call it Having a Wilford. I'm sure this is what you're talking about with your God damn nuts question. So listen up and eat your Quaker Oats, and you might learn something.

When my wife Has a Wilford every month, and it only comes once a month for some God damn reason, I like to give her a box of chocolates. Then I give her flowers. Then I take her behind my God damn house and have carnal relations with her in the Wilford Hole. That seems to keep her God damn mouth shut for a while, and ends those crazy impulses that she seems to have. She once tried to set my mustache on fire. Well, I didn't go for that, and I let her know it. The key to any relationship is honesty and a stern talkin' to. Watching Cocoon ain't a bad thing either, as it calms the nerves and stabilizes your blood sugar, which is good if you have The Diabetes as I do.

So if you start feeling like a nut, just follow my advice and everything will be fine. If you choose not to listen to me, I may just come to get you. I don't like to be crossed as it pisses me off. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go satiate my wife in the Wilford Hole. She's a God damn nut right now.

Pissed Off,
Wilford Brimley


Original JLH petition

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Blogger bobgirrl said...

Thank you so much for the kind words. Please be assured that I will follow your response to the letter in order to get over my terrible problem!

2:55 AM  
Blogger parnellpr said...

Him again ....

9:30 PM  

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