Monday, July 24, 2006

Wilford Brimley Speaks Out About Chlamydia

Thanks to Ben for this week's question. Check in next Monday for the next installment of The Pissed Off Patriarch of Proposals: Wilford Brimley. Until then, keep those questions coming to


Dear Wilford,

My friend told me he recently contracted Chlamydia. Isn’t that a kind of chowder? If not, is it like diabeetis?


PS: My buddy said even though he has Chlamydia, he could still kick your ass.

Dear Ben,

Thanks for your God damn question. First of all, it's The Diabetes, not just diabetes or diabeetis. I don't care how you spell the damn word, but you gotta capitalize the God damn D and it needs a "The" in front of it. It just don't feel God damn natural to call it plain diabetes with a lowercase beginning. Just ain't right. I ain't no Englishmatician, but I know a little somethin' about The Diabetes, and I know how you should and shouldn't spell it. But enough about that. On to the God damn chlamydia question.

As many people know, I'm a big fan of The Chlamydia. Had it many times. Hell, that little bug feels like a son to me. One thing I do know is it ain't no chowder. I don't know who filled your head with that type of nonsense, but it just ain't the truth. While chowder is served before dinner, Chlamydia is more of an after dinner treat. You know, one time my wife tried to give me a God damn Jon Tesh CD for my birthday, so I gave her Chlamydia for Christmas. Right after a nice dinner. I tell you somethin', it was much better than the God damn chowder she served that night. You can take that comment to the God damn bank and cash it. My word is as good as God damn cash, and it smells better too.

So, on behalf of all people with The Diabetes, I urge you to go out and get some Chlamydia. It's a great thing to have to get back at your wife when she sasses you some in the evenin'. Although it ain't no substitute for insulin, so I wouldn't try injectin' it into your arm. But you can inject it into that special someone, if you know what I God damn mean.

Oh, and tell your friend I'm sorry. Sorry that I'm going to put my God damn foot so far up his ass that he'll have a Nike swoosh on his tongue.

Pissed Off,
Wilford Brimley


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Blogger yellowdog granny said...

what a caution that wilford oh my i do feel faint..i think i have a case of the vapors, which is alot better than a case of the chlamydia...
and i wouldn't ask wilford for directions more or less something vital like chlamydia...ya'll come back and see us now...ya'hea?

2:30 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Wilford, are you just going to sit back and take that?

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ask Wilford for some tips to buy Generic Viagra Online , I have some problems with this stuff and the great amount of spam sites.

thank you.

7:20 PM  

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