Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Don't Worry, Tom Cruise, I'll Hire You

Dear Tom,

Sorry to hear about Paramount dumping you. Guess you had one or two or 45 too many crazy outbursts. I hear ya' though, big guy. When you're a high profile celebrity like you or me (or maybe just you) then the pressure can get to you sometimes. Once the pressure got to me, but then I realized I'm just Jim Belushi and relaxed. You should relax more, you know? Have a Fresca. Eat a taco. I don't know. Just do something to take your mind off of whatever the hell it is that makes you insane. Otherwise, you'll never stop acting like a fool and you'll end up making K-9 II or something. Obviously the 1st one can't be topped (I mean, it starred me), so that would be career suicide for you. But I don't think it will come to that. And here's why:

I'll hire you. That's right, Jim Belushi, star of the stage and screen (or maybe just the screen...or maybe just the screen in my house) will hire you. You see, I'm the linchpin of a little something called According to Jim. You've probably heard of it. Everyone's heard of it. It's the most watched TV show starring a Belushi in the history of TV. Or at least since my brother died and my cat stopped acting in kitty litter commercials. I play a guy who does stuff with a wife who is much hotter than he is. Basically, it's pure fantasy...and that's why I think it's perfect for you. You live in a world of fantasy. I act in one. The match is sublime! Forget about this absolutely humiliating Paramount thing and come work for me on According to Jim. You'll have a blast. We'll drink a beer and talk about people with talent. Wouldn't that be fucking awesome? Yeah, it would.

Call me. I'm Jim Belushi!

Best Regards,
Jim Belushi


Original JLH petition

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