Monday, August 28, 2006

Of Course He's Innocent, I Killed JonBenet Ramsey

Dear Colorado District Attorney,

I'm glad you finally dropped the case against John Mark Karr. I knew from the very beginning that he was innocent and tried to tell you, yet you ignored my calls. Can you finally acknowledge that I was right? Of course he was innocent. How can he have killed JonBenet Ramsey, when I was the murderer??!! Some blamed a redheaded freakshow, while others blamed Mr. Karr. Clearly, though, I was the killer. I think it was pretty clear from the beginning that this was a David Brenner murder scene.

Consider the evidence: this was an unsolved murder and I'm David Brenner. Need I say more? When you think of child killers, doesn't your brain instinctively think of me? Mine does. You know, I've never even killed a child, yet I still think of myself as a child killer. It's funny, you know? I've killed a couple of senior citizens, and one Polish-American immigrant, but never a child. Yet, I instinctively think of myself as a child killer first and comedian second. I'm sure you feel the same way. Right?

In conclusion, thanks again for letting John Mark Karr go. Although I ain't turning myself in. Come and get me. Look for me on the Tonight Show. That's always a good place to find me.

David Brenner


Original JLH petition

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Blogger T. said...

Normally I think "Gary Shandling" when I think child killer, but that's just me.

5:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first and last time this ugly son of a bitch hack has ever "killed".

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8:51 PM  

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