Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Paris Hilton Having Less Sex


Source: Here

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

After famously pledging one year of celibacy, famed pokebag hotel heiress Paris Hilton appears to be making good on her promise. A new study appearing in Wednesday's Journal of the American Medical Association finds an encouraging decline in the percentage of people infected with the herpes virus. Ms. Hilton, long known for her vacuum-like vagina, had been the leading cause of herpes among males (and females) aged 18-49. The linkage between her recent chastity pledge and the drop-off in herpes is undeniable.

Skeptics had doubted Ms. Hilton's ability to cease consuming of the cock. Dr. Warren S. Warren, respected sexual climatologist had promised to give up his prized and quite valuable wildebeest dingleberry collection if Ms. Hilton remained virginal. With the results of the study undeniably confirming Ms. Hilton's abstinence, Dr. Warren has scheduled a rare fecal-goods auction.

Sources close to the Herpes Queen indicated that she was very happy to read the study, or rather to have it read to her as she's functionally illiterate. No word yet from Nachos Rancheros, although sources close to the famed shipping heir indicate that he's looking forward to breaking Ms. Hilton's pledge and single-handedly restarting the spread of herpes in the U.S.


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Original JLH petition


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5 Comments:

Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

If only Leinhart had waited maybe he would have been able to be in training camp rather than the herpes clinic.

7:17 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Aha! Now we know why he's been holding out...

7:22 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

It's good to see rich people contributing to society.

11:55 PM  
Blogger Not Chosen said...

"Ms. Hilton, long known for her vacuum-like vagina, had been the leading cause of herpes among males (and females) aged 18-49. The linkage between her recent chastity pledge and the drop-off in herpes is undeniable."

One simply can't argue with this logic. I'd even go as far as to say you've got yourself some irrefutable scientific proof here on your web site, Dr. A Concerned Fan.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

I've (involuntarily) pledged no sex for the last 2 years.

9:49 AM  

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