Friday, September 08, 2006

Britney Spears Sees Her Future

Source: Here

Beijing, China (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Britney Spears had a rare opportunity to look into her future on Friday, when Ya-Ya, a mother panda in China, dropped its young child and crushed it to death. The sleep deprived panda, who had just completed a week-long bamboo bender, "appeared tired" when nursing its younger cub in a patch of grass. Her head sagged, her paws separated and her baby fell to the ground next to her. The panda then rolled on to her side and crushed her baby beneath her. At the same moment across the world, Britney Spears felt a ripple in the fabric of time and saw her future unfold before her.

Like Ya-Ya, Ms. Spears is a mother of roughly two offspring and weighs close to a metric ton. Ms. Spears also possesses a roughly equivalent level of literacy to that of a panda, and has displayed a similarly suspect choice in mates (Ya-Ya's mate also had corn rows). Most importantly, like Ya-Ya Ms. Spears is very likely to kill one of her children. Unlike the Panda, however, Ms. Spears probably would not wail and be inconsolable if one of her children died. More likely she'd just get pregnant again.

Sources close to the singer/actress/semen depository indicated that Ms. Spears has invested in many sturdy helmets for her new child-to-be. The same sources indicate that K-Fed is planning on wearing some of those helmets when he rides on the short bus to the studio to record his rap albums. No word yet from Ya-Ya the panda, although that's probably because she's a bear.


Original JLH petition

Tags: , , ,

Labels: ,


Blogger birdandbuffalo said...

Gawd, I love that woman's creases! Pity she's a blonde!


11:41 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker