Sunday, September 24, 2006

Tara Reid to Sell Old Implants on E-Bay

To Whom it May Concern,

As many of you may know, I recently downgraded my famous implants. It was a sad day as I loved my enlarged boobies. They were big and bodacious and useful as a flotation device in case of plane crashes. Given that I have a big fear of flying, I really liked the enhanced functionality of my boobs. Wow, I just used the word functionality. That's probably the biggest word I've ever used. This is so cool. I'm smart! I'm going to go get drunk in honor of this new smartness.

Okay, I'm back. I'm a little tipsy now, so it's taking a lot of effort to type. Who am I always takes a lot of effort to type words and make sentences, but now it's even harder. You could even say that my "functionality" has decreased from my drinking. Ha! I used that word again! That word-a-day calendar that Carson Daly gave me is really paying off now. Unfortunately, I only read the first page, so is not that high. But at least I know one word! I think that deserves a celebration. I'm going to get a drink.

Whoa...I'm not feeling that good anwywamroe. Ha HAA HAAAaad, my typing fucnationality has, like, totally gone down. to maintain. Maintain. Alright, I think I can dooo thisxz. Here we go. Ladies and gentleaman of the juryi, I would alike to offer you a great deal. I'm offering you the chance to buy my old implants. Let's not beat around my bush, I neeeed tha money. Money, money money! Money! I love that asong. It reminds me of money, which is what I need. I thought my tig ole' bitties (ha ha...get it?) were going to brung me some money, but nooooooooo. They just made me livestock. No...wait...a laughstock. Ha ha...that was one of those Freaky slips or whatever they're called. Anyway, the boobies didn't do it for me like I thought they would. In fact, I've now become a C-list celebrity. And I'm out to change that with my nwe smalaler boobarellas. But I knoaw that you dumb peopale out athere waill buy anything, so I'm gonndsa sell ya'l the old ones. Phew...that took a lot of work to write. I need to celebrate!

Wowaw. I'm atotally fucked up arighttae now. I'm 'gonwaa hurl'awe. Goatta wend thio'lks now. Bidddddding staratats ata 50 buckarooniessssss!!! Pay up and I'll fedddexec the old ones to yaou tomotmorrow. I neeeeeeeed the money. I'd charage for sex, abut I done'tei thinkalke thata would get me anything. Heeeee heee! Bye bi.

Tara Reid


Original JLH petition

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Anonymous bobgirrl said...

Who's Tara Reid?

3:40 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

I think it's a type of cheap air mattress that celebrities will use from time to time. It tends to wear out quickly.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Spot on.

7:15 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Been a long time since I was on here. I think your response was funnier than the first post. Is their anyone in hollywood who hasn't spent some time on that mattress.

8:55 PM  

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