Friday, October 06, 2006

Eva Longoria Dating Yao Ming

San Antonio, TX (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Eva Longoria, star of the ABC shit-com Desperate Housewives, has found a new lover to replace former boyfriend and NBA sorta-superstar Tony Parker. That new lover is Yao Ming, the diminutive 7'5" center for the Houston Rockets. Longoria, who recently entered splitsville with Parker, had previously expressed an affection for Chinese men, calling them "awesome in bed" and "tremendous lovers" and "really good at math and all that kung fu stuff that I watch on TV on the weekends." In short, she's got a fever, and the only prescription is more Ming.

Repeated requests for comments from the Brad Garrett-sized center have fallen on deaf ears, as Mr. Ming continues to remain silent on his burgeoning relationship with Ms. Longoria. He did, however, hint at something inappropriate when he gave the international shocker sign. Ming has yet to be linked to any celebrities, while Longoria has been linked to everyone from ex-*NSYNC member JC Chasez to Bobcat Goldthwait to Bea Arthur's Vagina. Recently she's focused exclusively on NBA players, including a clandestine stint with Jack Sikma. Sources close to the latina hottie indicate that her recent fixation on the NBA stems from her deep-rooted love of balls. Basketballs.

No word yet from Parker, but sources indicate that he misses Longoria and wants to get back together, at the very least for a threesome with one of his new blonde, slutty groupies. Can you blame him?


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Blogger Alex said...

No way!

10:50 AM  
Anonymous bobgirrl said...

She's so tiny, I'm fairly certain that the top of her head will be about at his waist. Nevermind.

9:03 PM  
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3:09 PM  

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