Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Frank Stallone and Italian Prostitute to Reschedule Wedding Date

Italy (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

The recent announcement by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes of a November 18th wedding in Italy has already resulted in some unintended negative consequences. Frank Stallone, brother of the legendary star of Rocky, Rambo, Cobra, and The Party at Kitty and Stud's, has had to cancel his long-anticipated wedding to Italian prostitute Bella. Younger brother of the more famouser and bestest actor in the world Sylvester, Frank Stallone has struggled to gain credibility as an actor. Lacking talent, looks, diction, and other skills common among actors and sentient beings, Frank has barely eked out a living in Hollywood. As such, it was only natural that he would end up marrying an Italian prostitute.

Mr. Stallone was looking forward to a simple, anonymous wedding followed by a night of paid sex. When he heard about the impending Cruise-Holmes wedding, he knew those desires instantly went up in smoke like his career. Sources indicate that seconds after the wedding announcement, legions of hardcore scientologists instant messaged Frank at his AOL screenname (Ineedacareer123) demanding that he change his wedding date. With a heavy heart, and mild confusion over why anyone would care when he marries an Italian prostitute, Frank changed the date.

No word yet when the new wedding date will be, but sources indicate that it could be as late as January or never.

Ed note: Apologies once again for the lack of posting. I have not abandoned the site! Keep checking back as posting frequency should improve...


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