Thursday, October 05, 2006

Kathy Bates To George Clooney: You Can Date Me Any Day



Oh Georgie...

You're too funny. That whole jazz about "debunking photographs in magazines" by spending "every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress" is a wonderful idea. I love it. Please use me as one of those actresses. You may even get lucky! You neeeeeeed some Kathy Bates' lovin. Everybody does. Even Bea Arthur's Vagina.

Here's why I'm a great choice: nobody would ever suspect it! If we start canoodling in public, the papa-nazis will go nuts! Speaking of nuts, I'm into yours, hun. Just say the word and I'll canoodle them. Don't know if that's a verb, but I'm Kathy Bates, so I can make up words if I want to. Trust me, you want that to be a verb!

Here's another reason why I'm a great choice: I was in Titanic. Being in the highest grossing movie of all time (surviving the sinking, mind you), gives you a ton of street cred. One picture with me and you'll instantly vault back into your former role as sexiest man in America. Now you're just sexiest ex-cast member of The Facts of Life, which is not great. Okay, you're the 2nd Sexiest...there's no competing with Natalie. Nonetheless, you see what I'm getting at? Just a little Kathy Bates canoodling and you're back on the path to glory!

Here's the final reason why I'm a great choice: I need manflesh right now. I don't care if you're just pretending to spend the night with these women, I desperately crave some type of male companionship right now. Please let it be you. Kathy Bates hungry. Kathy Bates need manflesh!


Talk to you soon, hun.

-Kathy Bates


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Original JLH petition


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3 Comments:

Blogger Gigi said...

You said Manflesh!

Now, not that I keep up with tabloids or anything (uh-hem), but why would George Clooney tell everybody his evil little plan instead of just doing it? Hmmmm...

11:56 AM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Exactly.

12:05 PM  
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3:28 PM  

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