Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Britney Spears Divorces Sperm Donor

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Britney Spears, mother of two and white-trash idol to millions, has filed for divorce from husband Kevin Federline, citing both irreconcilable differences and Federline's SPS (small penis syndrome). The couple had been married since 2004, when Ms. Spears apparently lost her sanity.

Throughout their rocky tenure as wife and wife's bitch, the celebrity couple endured a particularly harsh beating from the media. One magazine referred to the couple as "a bunch of godless Sodomites" while another called them "a worse pairing than Brad Garrett and any clothing not freakishly sized." Federline, to his credit, was fertile and did produce two functioning human beings. Aside from that talent, however, he contributed little to the marriage.

Spears first revealed her divorce in a subtle way, appearing on David Letterman last night without her wedding ring. She was less subtle later on in the evening when she was found dry humping an assistant producer. Sources close to the singer-turned-slut indicate that she's happy to finally be free of the man affectionately known as K-Fed. K-Fed, which is also the Navajo word for douchebag, has yet to comment on the incident, but sources close to the noted sperm donor indicate that he and his sperm are ready to give it one more shot if Britney is willing to reconsider. He's also available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs if you're interested.

No word yet from Jessica Simpson or Christina Aguilera, but friends close to the singers say that they are rejoicing in Britney's divorce...if only because they are evil witches who lack souls.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well we know SHE'LL take her top off.

7:23 AM  
Blogger birdandbuffalo said...

Am I alone in think Britney's got NO FEELINGS?

She makes roadkill trailer trash look SWEET.



1:23 PM  
Anonymous Celebrity Girl said...

Damn she divorced the sperm donor Does she REALLY know who that is LOL

7:54 PM  

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