Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Sexiest Man Alive Is Steve Buscemi, Not That George Clooney Character

Dear People Magazine,

I believe you are mistaken and you owe me an apology. You recently voted George Clooney as the sexiest man alive for the 2nd time. I consider this an outrage of the highest degree, and I am not one who outrages easy, like...oh...I don't know...Faith Hill. I am normally very calm and collected. But after seeing George Clooney atop your list once again, I damn near crapped my pants.

What does George Clooney have that I don't? Besides charisma? Sure, he has "rugged good looks" and I have "jagged facial features," but that's no excuse. Okay, so he has "soul-searching, baby-dog" eyes, and I have "eyes like a rapist," but is that so important? Maybe he has a "gigantic man-thing" between his legs and I have "concave genitalia," but I don't think that's a big deal. Basically, I'm the totally epitome of all that is sexy in the world, and George Clooney is just an undersized Brad Garrett. Trust me, you don't want that.

So I beg of you, People Magazine, please reconsider your rankings. Put me number one and right this historical injustice. If you haven't figured it out, I really need to get laid and this is the only thing that will help. Seriously, Bea Arthur's Vagina is getting stale. I need some new booty.

Hugs and Kisses,
Steve Buscemi


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Ha! Loved the videos!

10:30 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

Poor Steve. My guess is other long overlooked actors like Clint Howard and Philip Seymour Hoffman have penned similiar sentiments.:)

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Ace Young? This list sucks!

2:35 PM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

he's a rat, and i love him

12:07 AM  

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