Friday, December 29, 2006

Paris Hilton To Host Saddam Hussein Execution After-Party

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Paris Hilton, noted socialite and world-renowned mattress tester, has announced that she will host the biggest, grandest, and most morally reprehensible Saddam Hussein execution after-party ever held. The party will commence immediately after he is officially declared dead with a celebratory shot in her palatial apartment. Drinks will continue afterwards at a variety of Hollywood hot spots.

The execution after-party has long been a Hollywood tradition, beginning after the Nuremberg trials, continuing straight through the Vietnam war, and peaking during the Cambodian Khmer Rouge rebellion when executions happened daily. In the past, luminaries such as Milton Berle, Bob Hope, Dick Van Patten, and Margot "I Once Ate My Own Hair" Kidder have hosted the wild execution-themed bashes. Ms. Hilton, however, has promised to top them all.

Speaking through a publicist, the blond sexpot said, "I've never heard of this Iraq place that everyone keeps talking about, but I think that we definitely should have gone to war or something. That's why we should celebrate when that Hussmayne guy gets killed. It'll be so hot." She later added, "I'm a whore."

Many celebrities - including George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Lacey Chabert - have indicated that they will not attend in protest. But Jim Belushi will be there. As will Ms. Hilton's newfound friend, Britney Spears, who plans to get drunk and throw up on someone, just like she does every day. Said one source close to the fake-boobed, panty-less, white-trash, talentless hack, "Britney is delighted to be attending the Hussein execution after-party and promises to give 10,000 dollars to charity for each shot she takes." Charities are already lining up to cash in on the expected windfall.

Hussein, whose execution is imminent, has yet to comment on the party, but sources close to the former dictator indicate that he's excited by the prospect that his death will lead to great things such as this party. Sources also indicate that he's happy his war crimes and attempts at genocide have finally led to something that will make people happy.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Anonymous Gruntwilligar T. Honkenoffski said...

Dear Sir,
I noticed from your profile that you are wanting the beautiful Ms Hewitt to pose for Playboy. I would suggest going a bit further and having this incredible woman star in a series of XXX movies. Randy Spears would be a very lucky actor/stud to enjoy her company. He could have a fully inserted wet *rgasm within her beauty.


5:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How Paris Hilton of her

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Bice said...

I just read every post on your main page and I am scratching my head wondering why you have so few comments! You are hilarious and hugely under-exposed for as funny as you are. I don't get it.


12:43 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Bice - Coming from a satirist...I'm not really sure how to take that!

2:05 PM  

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