Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Whore to Spawn



Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Paris Hilton, noted socialite and underwear designer for Britney Spears, has proclaimed her insatiable desire to have children. Hilton, who for years has been practicing to conceive a child or 400, feels its time she popped one out and started raising it as her own. Commenting to Life & Style Weekly, the socialite said:

"It's been my dream to have four babies by 30. I look after animals, so I'd have a lot to give my kids, like dog food and a leash."

She later added:

"The good news is that I've stretched out my vagina so much from frequent anonymous sex that the baby will practically fall out."

Critics have condemned Ms. Hilton's desire to spawn as a potential form of cruel and unusual punishment to a child or children. Sources close to ex-boyfriend Nachos Rancheros indicate that he's not ready for children but is willing to try having them as long as Paris is willing to take birth control and wear a condom during sex. Ms. Hilton's parents, on the other hand, welcome a new child or children as they think it will help Paris "stop snorting so much God damn cocaine."

No word yet from Britney Spears on her new friend's dreams of motherhood, but sources close to the panty-less pop princess indicate that she's offered to babysit the little Hiltons, drunk or sober. Therapy sessions for the yet-to-be-born children are already being planned.


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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


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1 Comments:

Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hahahahaha!!! I can't stop giggling!

7:30 AM  

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