Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Jennifer Love Hewitt Petition - First Set of Signatures


It's a banner day in this great and noble cause. You kind readers have graced me with dozens...nay...scores...no...I guess dozens of e-mails showing support for my groundbreaking petition. For those of you not in the know, here is the petition to which I refer. I am just one concerned fan calling out into the deafening silence that lies in the unchearted chasm of Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage. I hope you can hear me, Ms. Hewitt. I hope you can hear me.

And now for the first round of signatures. I will continue to update as necessary. Also, please stay tuned as there will be some dramatic additions to this burgeoning petition process.

1. Mel Hall
2. Candy Maldonado
3. Johnny Briggs
4. Chuck Hinton
5. Willie Crawford
6. Carney Lansford
7. Irv Noren
8. Terrence Long
9. Dick Williams
10. Cito Gaston



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Monday, January 30, 2006

An Open Letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt






An Open Letter To Jennifer Love Hewitt:


Dear Ms. Hewitt,

I write to you today not as a pervert, weirdo, or otherwise maladjusted member of society. No, I write to you as a concerned fan who is looking out for your best interests. As someone who has watched you evolve onscreen as both an actress, and more importantly, as a woman, I feel it is my civic responsibility to provide you with my absolutely unsolicited and unqualified advice. So, Ms. Hewitt, I urge you to thoughtfully consider my sagacious words.

It is the winter of 2006, and you have reached an important threshold in your career where you are perched upon the precipice of sublime greatness. Unlike many of your peers, you have the potential to ascend into a great and rarefied company of actresses. Despite oft being saddled with poorly written scripts and one-dimensional characters, you have shown a great depth of range and complexity in your acting. Your onscreen gravitas and overall "it factor" rivals the best of your generation, regardless of the sometimes unfortunate film choices you have made. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching you in all of your movies, with the exception of Garlfield, as I have never forgiven Breckin Meyer for "Inside Schwartz."

Nevertheless, as an earnest fan who has followed your career with the zeal of John Goodman at an all-you-can-eat pudding buffet, I understand the dilemma you face now. After having played so many cutesy girl-next-door types, you long for a role with some more teeth. You want a chance to show the world what we fans already know: that you can hang with Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Dame Judi Dench and Andie MacDowell any day of the week. Unfortunately, the studios seem reluctant to offer you the demanding roles you seek as it would play against your "typical" character type. Nevermind that you've shown the ability to play sexy in Heartbreakers or macho (or the feminine equivalent) in The Tuxedo. As far as the studios are concerned, you're just a nice girl who has tremendous and immaculately conceived breasts. Which brings me to my next point.

If you truly wish to break out of the chains that are binding you to your nice girl typecast, it is time for you to do a nude scene or pose for Playboy. Your fans know you can do the meaty roles, but the studios need to see that you truly can display the more primal instincts required to inhabit a challenging and nuanced role. In short, we need to see your breasts. Only by showing your meat puppets to the world, will you finally shed your youthful skin as an actress. Putting your cans on display for all to see will show your commitment to do anything to nail a character. Sometimes that "anything" requires boobage, and the studios must see that you're willing to do this. There have been rumors that you are considering doing just such a thing, and for the sake of your career, I urge you to do so.

Please, do not get the wrong idea for my request. I come here to praise you, not whack to you. Many actresses have leveraged nudity to springboard their careers. Marilyn Monroe, Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, and Carnie Wilson immediately come to mind. This is the right thing for you to do. There is no shame in baring your body, for you have already bared your soul countless times on screen.

To show you the commitment of your fans to accelerating your career, I have set up this site as an online petition. My hope is to collect well over 10,000 signatures of like-minded individuals who similarly wish that you expose your assets for the sake of your career progression. You see, I am not alone in my desires. There are others out there, and we are all rooting for you to do the right thing.

Please consider my offer. Thank you, and I hope to hear from you one day.

With Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan

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**For the other concerned fans out there, please e-mail me at pleasedoitmshewitt@yahoo.com if you wish to pledge support. Alternatively you can respond via the comments section. I will update the signatures weekly or as merited.**

***Note - I have just become aware of the petition at http://gorillamask.net/jlhp.shtml . Please know, Ms. Hewitt, that this petition here poses no such boycott. Thank you.***

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