The Cosby Show Lost Episodes
The Cosby Show. Some call it the greatest show in the history of television. Others call it an egalitarian triumph of the American capitalistic system. Still others call it the show with the guy who had a son who got shot to death. Regardless of how it is described, one thing is certain - it will always be remembered as a landmark comedy that combined wit, pluck, Malcolm Jamaal-Warner, and irreverence to become a landmark sitcom that will forever stand the test of time, or at least for another 6 months.
However, few know about the show's dark side. The crack staff here at Please Do It Ms. Hewitt made a startling discovery over the weekend. While rummaging through Bill Cosby's trash looking for something to eat, we found a here-to-fore undiscovered set of scripts for The Cosby Show. These unpublished teleplays were startling in nature, possessing a dark and menacing tone never before seen on the amusing and family-friendly show. Liner notes on the script indicated that while writing the scripts Mr. Cosby was "hopped up on goofballs" and "high as a damn, fucking crazy-ass kite with wings like a dragon that flies in the night lighting villages on fire." One look at the scripts most certainly confirms those proclamations.
Why Mr. Cosby held onto the scripts for so long is unclear, as is his decision to suddenly discard them. However, just as we'll never understand why people find Dane Cook funny, we'll probably never fully comprehend Mr. Cosby's motivations. Nonetheless, it is our solemn duty to disseminate these scripts to you faithful readers. We have summarized them below. Please sound off on your thoughts.
In this depressing episode, a college-bound Theo is accused of rape by a girl in his high school graduating class. The family is stunned at the accusation, but rally in support of their lovable, if-not-slightly-brain-damaged son. Cliff promises free medical treatment, Clair offers her legal aid, and Denise has sex with the girl's father multiple times to get the accusing family to drop the charges. Hilarity ensues when Theo gets convicted and is sent to jail at a maximum security prison. After several of his own "life lessons" in jail, Theo is finally released. It turns out that Theo's friend Cockroach was a serial rapist (finally explaining his unexplained departure from the show) and was behind the offense. The family learns a valuable lesson about rape (everyone gets it in the end) and Rudy hysterically tells her friend Buuuuud never to rape her.
Vanessa, long considered the weakest of the Huxtable kids, gets a starring role in this landmark episode as she contracts HIV after sharing a needle with a junkie. Unsure of what to do in this situation, Cliff and Clair put Vanessa up for adoption, even though she's 16. In a particularly hysterical sequence, Rudy pretends to be Vanessa to convince the adoption people that she's young enough to be sent away. More hilarity ensues when Sondra and Elvin come to visit with their twins, and Vanessa sells one of them for money to pay for crack. Theo finally saves the day when he forcibly checks Vanessa into a rehab clinic and explains to her that even though she's going to die soon, Jesus will forgive her for sinning if she accepts His love. Vanessa eventually makes it out of rehab and returns home to wait for her eventual death.
Rudy was the most beloved of all the Huxtable children...especially by her grandfather. In this shocking episode, Rudy admits to Cliff and Clair that she and Grandpa play "secret touching games" whenever he comes over. He would tell her stories about famous jazz musicians, eventually putting her to sleep. Then it would begin. Cliff confronts his father about the games and his father breaks down and admits his weakness. The real reason he wanted to raise boys had nothing to do with "continuing the Huxtable name." He simply didn't trust himself around little girls. Cliff banishes him from the household, creating a rift with his father that never mends. Clair and Cliff's relationship is never the same again, as she secretly blames him for his father's actions. Six months after the incident, in a thigh-slappingly funny turn of events, Grandpa Huxtable kills himself with a shotgun blast to the mouth. Despondent over what she had done, Rudy turns to a life of crime, despite being 7, and is also shot to death not long after. As in most episodes, The Huxtables learn a valuable lesson: if you have a secret game, keep it a secret or someone will die.
We're not sure about you, but we'll never look at Bill Cosby the same way again. And that's a good thing.
Original JLH petition
Tags: Cosby Show, Lost Episodes, Bill Cosby, Dane Cook