Bob Barker to Neuter Self On Final Episode of Price is Right
Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press
Bob Barker, affable and decaying host of Price is Right, has finally decided to retire after 50 years on television, the last 35 of which with "Price." To punctuate his final day on the air, Mr. Barker plans to perform an on-air neutering on himself. For many years, the lovable and sexually aggressive host has urged people to spay and neuter their pets, ending every show with the same line, "Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered." According to sources close to Mr. Barker, the elderly TV host believes it's only fair if he finally went through with the same procedure.
"Bob's always been a fan of leadership by example," said a long-time friend who preferred to remain anonymous. "I remember when he gave me marital advice. He didn't just give me constructive criticism or tips on how to please my wife. He rolled up his sleeves and dove in there on my wife's baby-hole. I learned so much from watching him, and it really helped me find a new wife after my wife left me for Bob. That's what leadership is about."
The subject of spaying and neutering has always been important to Mr. Barker, although not for the reason most suspect. While he urges people to control the pet population, his real motives are a bit more sinister. He just loves cutting into cat and dog genitalia. Sources close to the vile host indicate that his foundation is just a front to support Mr. Barker's pathological addiction to animal genital mutilation. According to these same sources, it's no surprise the old geezer has finally turned his attention on his own genitals. It was only a matter of time.
No word yet from CBS, but sources within the studio have hinted that the network is a bit uneasy about the planned neutering. As one source put it, "I'm not really worried about the genital cutting...it's Bob's balls I don't want to see. They're like wrinkled grapefruits. That's no fun. No fun at all."
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Tags: Bob Barker, Price is Right, spay, neuter