Monday, February 26, 2007

Eddie Murphy Fails To Win Oscar; Sets Sights On Norbit Victory Next Year

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Eddie Murphy - comedian, actor, and legendary fan of trannies - was upset at last night's Academy Awards show by Alan Arkin in the Best Supporting Actor category. Murphy was considered the frontrunner for the award after recycling his old SNL James Brown character for the movie Dreamgirls. The performance was praised as truly original, despite being completely borrowed from previous works, a unique mixture that was deemed Oscar-worthy. However, victory was not in the cards for Mr. Pluto Nash, as Alan Arkin stole the victory with his turn as an angry, drug-addicted malcontent (i.e., a self-portrait) in Little Miss Sunshine.

Sources close to the Metro star indicated that he was devastated, but is very optimistic about his chances next year when Norbit is eligible. Norbit is, of course, the story of a young man who battles to avoid the desperate clutches of a fat-suit-wearing man dressed in women's clothing. It's a heart wrenching tale of identity confusion, alienation, eating disorders, and fat-suits. Mr. Murphy, playing multiple roles in the movie, drew on his extensive personal history of fat-suit wearing to anchor the characters in reality. When reached for comment, his publicist said that Mr. Murphy is "very proud" of his work and wants "everyone to see the movie" or he will "kill a seven-year-old Mexican girl in his garage."

No word yet from Academy voters on whether or not Mr. Murphy's convincing fat-suit performance in Norbit will catapult him to next year's Best Actor Oscar, but sources close to a homeless man living near a movie theater indicate that Murphy "has no chance in hell. I'm hungry do you have any food?"


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