Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fat Tuesday To Be Renamed "Jessica Biel Ass Day"

Los Angeles, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Thousands of revelers have descended upon New Orleans to celebrate the drunken event known to the outside world simply as Fat Tuesday. The event has been a staple of New Orleans party life for many, many years, just as Brad Garrett has been a staple at Gigantism conferences for decades. However, in a stunning move, organizers have decided to rename the event "Jessica Biel Ass Day" in honor of the young star's large posterior.

The mammoth-rumped actress, known for her role in something or other, is honored by the name change and has even offered to sponsor the event in exchange for a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and a bowl of pure lard. Sources close to the event organizers indicate that the original name was going to be Kirstie Alley Day, but then the washed-up actress magically lost weight (i.e., she began vomiting obsessively), and could no longer accurately represent a true "Fat" Tuesday.

No word yet from Nicole Richie's camp, but sources close to the actress indicate that she's boycotting the event on principle.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger dmbmeg said...

sweet jesus even I'm mesmerized by her ass. And I'm female. And straight. Shit, I think I'm straight. I just don't know anymore after this picture.

12:39 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

I think the word you are looking for is rumpalicious.*

*this word has no relation to the Beyonce song.

1:36 PM  

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