Thursday, February 22, 2007

Happy Belated Birthday Jennifer Love Hewitt

Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt,

Happy Belated Birthday! I know you think I forgot your birthday yesterday, but I didn't. In fact, I was trying to get you the best present you could ever want, a high-priced offer to pose for Playboy, but unfortunately my connections fell through. I ended up getting you a simple card, but it's heartfelt and creepy (always a fun combination) so I know you'll love it. Hopefully someone else got you that special birthday posing present, but I'm doubtful they did. You probably just got the normal set of gifts like jewelry and Skoal. That's too bad, because time is running out for you to pose.

Look, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're not getting any younger. Yesterday's special day puts you one step closer to death. And by death I mean sagging boobs. There are rumors that your boobs have already begun to sag. As the British would say, I think that is bollocks. But it will happen eventually, and each birthday puts you one step closer to that inevitability. You must pose now to avoid that fate. If you don't pose, it will be too late, and your career will permanently suffer and the ogling men of the world will forever suffer.

So I urge you, Ms. Hewitt to make the right choice and pose for Playboy. It is the right choice and the only logical way to celebrate your birthday. Thank you.

Best Regards,
A Concerned Fan


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger Ryan said...

When better to be photographed in your birthday suit than on your birthday? It's a no-brainer.

10:50 AM  
Blogger J$ said...

and a very happy birthday to the twins!

1:51 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Every time I see a picture of her and those puppies, I feel like it's my birthday...

You need to visit my site. I linked you today--I hope you can fill in the words to match the photos I found today. I was really...uhh, well...disturbed. Come see for yourself.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Shoshana said...

How can she have such tiny waist and big ass? I can't figure it out. I do love Ghost Whisperer, ass or not.

12:48 AM  

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