Sunday, March 18, 2007

Annual NAMBLA Touch Football Game Gets Out Of Hand



San Francisco, CA (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

What started out as a simple game of touch football, escalated into something far more sinister this weekend at the NAMBLA headquarters in San Francisco. NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association known for its strident support of sex with minors, had been holding an annual game of touch football for 15 years. While the game was known for putting the "touch" in touch football, it had always remained a friendly affair. That is, until this year's debacle when friendly rivalry turned into an all-out ball-grabbing and crotch-sniffing event.

Luke Schenscher, VP of tween recruitment, was the designated quarterback for this year's event and the focus of most of the violence. Less than 1 minute into play, his balls had been grabbed ten times by the opposing team, at least twice as much as normal. At first the semi-overweight, balding, and intensely sweating QB shrugged off the assaults as just part of the fun. But when they persisted into the game, he got physical and lashed back...and not in the good way.

Said the burly redhead, "You know, a man can only have his sac grabbed so much before he snaps. Look, I like it as much as the next pedophile, but only when a young boy is doing it. When it's other pedophiles, then it's just wrong, man, you know? I can't be disrespected. Sometimes a homosexual pedophile's gotta do what a homosexual pedophile's gotta do."

After the 32nd ball sniffing, Schenscher began throwing haymakers. Sources indicate that he landed punch after punch, cold-cocking at least 10 other NAMBLA freaks before he finally was brought down by the ravenous teen-hungry horde. Apparently, the group had not made out with an underage boy in at least a week and had immense sexual aggression pent up. Schenscher, with his shiny bald head and pouty lips, had always been a target, but things just boiled over at the game.

One player, who preferred to remain anonymous, said that Schenscher was "a dick, and not in the good way," while another said, "I've always wanted to beat that freak, and not in the good way." While there were multiple injuries, nobody was seriously injured and the hospital was able to discharge everyone...and not in the good way.



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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


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