Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dick Cheney Not Descended From Monkeys

Thanks to AT for the tip. Check out the source story here

Washington, DC (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

A recent book by renowned primatoligist Dr. Frans de Waal claims that the roots of morality can be seen in the social behavior of monkeys and apes. The renowned scientist claims that "human morality would be impossible without certain emotional building blocks that are clearly at work in chimp and monkey societies." In related news, DNA evidence proves that Dick Cheney is not descended from monkeys.

Skeptics rushed to point out that if monkeys had morals, then this video or this video would never be possible. Other critics, including the Bush administration argued that monkeys never existed and the earth is only 5000 years old and dinosaurs walked with humans and The Flintstones are based on reality and therefore humans couldn't be descended from monkeys so nanny nanny poo poo. Supporters of Dr. de Waal, including Dr. Philip Kitcher are smart and say lots of philosophical things like "there are patterns of behavior we share with our primate relatives that are relevant to our ethical decisions." Nobody really knows what that means, but it sounds really scientific.

No word yet from the Cheney camp, but sources close to the Bleeping Veep indicate that he's proud not to be a monkey and wants to celebrate by shooting someone in the face and invading a sovereign nation (i.e., perform his regular Wednesday activity).


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Blogger dmbmeg said...

I love you solely because you can discern between a monkey and an ape.

It is one of my greatest pet peeves in life when people call chimps monkeys.

And, yes, I am fully aware how nerdy I am.

6:13 PM  
Blogger kirez said...

Are you, by any chance, the 4th gent from the left in the photo above? 'Cause if so you're really fucking hot. My type all the way!

3:27 AM  

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