Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I, Carlos Mencia, Am A Gigantic Douche

Dear America,

I, Carlos Mencia, officially declare myself to be a gigantic douche. Yes, I have officially surpassed John Edwards as the biggest douche in the universe. My constant unfunny standup combined with my blatant stealing of material has all contributed to my doucheyness. The most recent example of my douchery was my stealing of Bill Cosby's material. That's right, I blatantly stole material from one of the most famous comedians of all time, from one of his most recognizable bits of all time. If that isn't supreme doucheness, I don't know what is.

This shouldn't really come as a surprise to you. I've been called a douche before. I've also admitted to my lack of comedic ability. But now, with this official declaration (along with an affidavit signed by every comedian in the world except Dane Cook, who isn't really an original comedian anyway) I clear up any misgivings and admit to my douchery. So it is written, so it shall be done.

Please, I urge you to boycott my comedy shows and abstain from watching my tv programs. Also, if you see me on the street, kick me in the nuts or throw used douches at me. I certainly deserve it. Only then, will I be able to fully repent in my utter doucheness. Thank you and godspeed.

With all my love,
Carlos "The Douchemeister" Mencia


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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Blogger Pristine Apostle said...

I'm glad I read this post. For if I hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to expand my terribly limited vocabulary.

The word I learned today was: doucheyness.

I'll try to use it in a sentence:

No one possesses more doucheyness than Carlos Mencia.


6:50 PM  

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