Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Bush Appoints A-Rod To World Bank; Wolfowitz Sent To Triple-A

Washington, DC (ABSP) - Associated BS Press

Paul Wolfowitz, embattled World Bank leader and one of the primary instigators of both the Iraq war and Affleck-Lopez (i.e., Bennifer) fiascos, has formally been replaced by President Bush in favor of the man-stud and overall hunk machine known as Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez. Wolfowitz, who recently got in trouble for promoting his long-time sex partner in violation of World Bank ethics, has refused to resign from his position. While the President is a strong supporter of the Wolfmeister, he finally relented to public pressure and demoted the disgraced neocon to the World Bank's AAA farm club in Toledo. Effective immediately, Wolfowitz will be replaced by New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez.

Rodriguez, the self-professed "Lord of all things baseball," has shown the versatility required for the role. For example, he switched from shortstop to third base upon his transition to the Yankees. Also, while he has repeatedly failed in the clutch, he has promised to be better and is eternally optimistic - two qualities valued by the Bush team above all else, including facts and actual performance. Sources indicate that A-Rod will not need to relinquish his roll on the Yankees, as the World Bank doesn't really do much anyway.

When asked to comment on the new position, A-Rod took off his shirt, flexed, and then made out with his wife and made sweet love to Wolfowitz's girlfriend. Wolfowitz, however, declined to comment on the matter and has not indicated whether he will report to Toledo on time. A representative for the Toledo World Bank stated that they are thrilled to have Wolfowitz on board, even if he has never demonstrated any ability to successfully do anything outside the field of Academia.


Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition

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