Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Keith Richards Snorts Lots Of Things



'Ello,

I'm Keith Richards and I snort a lot of things. As you may have heard, I snorted me dad's ashes. That's right, I mixed his ashes with some blow and did a line on a dead hooker's back (Ben Affleck gave me one out of his private collection). That may sound a bit weird to you, mate, but it's just a regular day for me. I snort everything.

When Britney shaved her head, I snorted the hair. And she kept showing her little snatchy-poo to the world because I snorted her panties. Hillary Duff and Nicole Richie are losing all that weight because I snort their food. President Bush was pissed because I snorted all those WMDs in Iraq. Lindsay Lohan asked me to help her stop drinking, but I couldn't snort her liver. Too damn big. Although I was able to snort Anna Nicole Smith's brain. That was an easy one.

Mick never understood me snortin' habit. He would get mad when I'd snort a groupie or two, but that was just me thing. I just snort everything. You know why they can't find Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster? I snorted 'em. I would have snorted Dick Cheney's soul, but I couldn't find it. Christina Aguilera asked me to snort her, but I was afraid of catching some contagious so walked away. Although I did snort Jessica Simpson's talent on the way out. And last week I snorted some of Wilford Brimley's insulin.

So if you got something for me to snort, send it my way. I'll snort it up quicker than you can say "Bea Arthur's Vagina." Come to think of it, I probably snorted that too. Jolly good!

Cheers,
Keith Richards



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Original Jennifer Love Hewitt petition


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2 Comments:

Blogger Agent Bedhead said...

Does everything have to be about Bea Arthur's Vagina or Parker Posey?

:shudder:

2:32 PM  
Blogger A Concerned Fan said...

Doesn't have to be...but it is. It's an all-encompassing thing is what it is. Ummm...read into that as you will

4:29 PM  

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